The Sh*t Mums Don’t Want To Hear!

First of all I just want to apologise for the things I said before I became a parent. I was such a judgemental cow. The one that would look over in disgust at the parents child who’s screaming the place down in the supermarket, while I walked by with my 6 inch heels and perfectly painted nails. 😂 Now I’m that mother in the super market (ain’t karma a bitch) who’s child is screaming the entire place down while projectile vomiting in my face. (Check out, my grocery Shop Baby Strop post for the full story).

Secondly, I want to address the beauty that is motherhood! When I was pregnant I began to notice the varying types of mothers and their parenting styles. Something that I was completely oblivious to prior to conceiving.

The beauty that is motherhood 

The “immaculate” the mothers who are Instagram perfect and feed their children fresh organic food. I discovered the mothers who put on brave faces but behind closed doors, struggled with the concept of motherhood and getting to grips with their new life. The  “overprotective mothers” who wrap their child up in cotton wool, and follow them around the ball park for fear of having an accident. The “he’ll learn type mothers” (this is me 😂) who allow their child to learn by their own mistakes.  The “knackered mother” who doesn’t know what day it is (also me) because the sleep deprivation is real. The “wine” mothers. I love the wine mothers, they always have a Rośe or Moscato at the ready. And finally the super cute work out mums.   

But the truth is.. I LOVE each and every one of those mums! Want to know why? Because they did exactly what worked for them and their children. And that’s the whole point.. There is no handbook to parenting, there’s no instruction manual (although I wish they could introduce one *please*😂). 

And despite our differing parenting styles.. Do you know one thing every single one of us mothers have in common? We have feelings and can be sensitive to the judgemental views of others when it comes to our Crown Jewels (our children).

The Mum shaming 

Way too often I have witnessed mothers being shamed for their choice of parenting! Come on ladies it’s 2018, why are women still being blasted for how they to choose to parent THEIR children. It’s only the other day I was strolling through Instagram and I came across a woman being mum shamed because she chose to feed her child Jarred food rather than fresh food. Honestly it makes me so frustrated. The minute we walk out our front door, we are subject to judgement. With my first child I was so nervous to “parent in public” how crazy is that.

So with that being said I want address some of the comments and stereotypes that both myself and other mothers have encountered that really rub us up the wrong way! 

THE SH*T US MUMS DON’T WANT TO HEAR

“You let your child watch YouTube” 

HELL YESS! I let him on his iPad! Because guess what? While he’s on his iPad watching ‘Ryans Family Toy Review’ I’m regaining my sanity, loading the washing machine for the 5th time and preparing dinner so the kid Dosent starve to death 😂 I was that woman who had it all planned out! No iPad till my son is 15! Yeh right the thing is my saviour haha! 

*Disclaimer: iPad time is limited within our household and the content he views Is vetted for safeguarding purposes*

“You’re going back to work and leaving child in nursery” 

I’ll tell you what then, I’ll stop paying my mortgage, get repossessed and become homeless I definitely think that’s a better idea! No Sheila you’re right, I won’t go back to work! I have a better idea, I’ll ditch my other half and find myself a millionaire sugar daddy! *Sheila slowly walks away silently* that usually shuts the Sheila’s of the world up 😂

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” 

Oh you’re right, I’ll tell you what I’ll cook when the baby cooks and clean when they baby cleans! It all makes perfect sense now. Thank you for your advice. 

You’re a mum now you can’t wear that” 

‘Oh really’ I reply as I slip on my 6 inch heels and red lipstick “not mummy enough for you”. Like seriously how do you even dress like a mum, what do “mums wear” knitted tights? Floor length dresses? Not me darling pass me the little black dress and louboutins. Haha

Regardless of our “motherhood status” do we not have the right to maintain our own identify? I’ve definitely been judged about my choice of clothing since becoming a mother and if I wasn’t self-assured my self esteem and confidence would have taken a major blow, what we wear as mothers had absolutely NOTHING to do with our ability to parent. 

You’re leaving your child, I could never leave my child” 

Yes and guess what else? I’ve left him in a crack house with 3 mass murderers! But it’s ok because he has nappies and milk. Jokes aside, there is no harm in having, one or two nights a month away from your child to have a break and refill your cup! So with that being said I drop my kids to their grandmothers, I never look back and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction! LOL!

Us mummy’s need a break too! 

Oh you formula feed”. 

Yes I bottle feed, If only you knew the tears, stress and mum guilt I encountered deciding to bottle feed my baby. When I had my first child it was set in stone that I would breastfeed i didn’t even entertain the idea of formula! However I was a C-section mother, which made it extremely difficult to manoeuvre with my first baby. Not only that it was painfully sore as my baby couldn’t latch and to top it off, once I left the hospital finding support was next to impossible! 

With my second I managed 2 months of breastfeeding, however my son was admitted to hospital on 3 occasions due to weight loss as I wasn’t producing enough milk. I had NO Idea that would be presented through my breastfeeding journey. One day I caught my mum feeding my son a bottle of formula and honestly I have never felt so relieved! 

That being said I honestly admire the breastfeeding mothers as its so beautiful to witness the bond between the mother and baby and I’m an advocate for mothers breastfeeding in public! However equally, I’m a formula mummy and  my point of view is that aslong as your baby is happy loved and has a full stomach I don’t care how you feed your child. Both types of mothers are amazing and want the best for their child! 

Oh you had a c-section? To posh too push” 

I went into hospital with every intention of a natural birth, water birth with no medication (so funny) because when i actually got to hospital they actually realised that my pelvis was too narrow for my son to progress through the birth canal which meant my son struggled to breath every time I contracted! 

They actually advised that if I didn’t have a section my son would die! So no, I definitely wasn’t too posh to posh! It was a case of life and death in my circumstances. There’s so much stigma when it comes to c-sections being the easy way out. Let me tell you it’s difficult! The recovery can be harsh, you can’t drive straight away, you can’t work out for months and in my case my incision actually opened up. You can check out my c-section story here

End note: This list is not exhaustive. The sh*t that pisses us off is endless, and for as long as we are parents we will be subject to judgement and stereotypes. Although this is unfortunate, it’s promising that none of us are alone in this struggle! You could be the “picture perfect mother” (however that looks) and you’d still be subject to criticism so it’s so important that WE do what works for US and makes US happy! 

With Love From P

 

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28 Comments

  1. Kat just me
    September 14, 2018 / 1:51 pm

    I hear you!!!! Us mums should spend more time lifting each their and less judgmental. The world would be a much happier place. X

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 4:59 am

      You’re so right! It’s 2018 it’s time to embrace change and diversity.

  2. Angel
    September 14, 2018 / 2:11 pm

    This is so true! I was even judged when I stopped breastfeeding at 16months. I was done and still had people judge and keep asking why I stopped. I use to judge a bit whenever people have kids screaming in the store and now I have a fussy 2-year-old who loves throwing tantrums. Haha. But seriously what gets me is when other moms judge moms. We are all on this motherhood journey together so we all need to just be supporting each other. We have to do what’s best for our child and for us. Love this post! Oh, I can definitely relate to the youtube thing. Lol

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:00 am

      What, judged because you stopped breastfeeding after 16 months.. That’s an amazing achievement. Glad you enjoyed x

  3. Maria
    September 14, 2018 / 2:19 pm

    Yes to all of these! I also had C-sections (for both kids actually) and it’s the least posh thing ever!! And yes I will go back to work and yes I will take a momcation! Lol you hit a lot of the points here and I’m all for getting rid of all mom shaming! Thanks for another great read P!

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:01 am

      Glad you enjoyed. And YESS YESS YESS to the Mumcation.. We deserve it.

  4. Hayley
    September 14, 2018 / 2:22 pm

    I love this, it definitely made me chuckle! Specially the comment about Shelia of the world 😂😂😂😂!

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:01 am

      You gotta love Sheila 😍😂

  5. Chelsea
    September 14, 2018 / 4:11 pm

    Love this post…keep it up, very cute and funny 😆

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:02 am

      Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading lovely x

  6. KrisBeeMama
    September 14, 2018 / 5:10 pm

    I agree with all of these? I receive horrible looks when I gave a bottle to my first (even though I was pumping at least 8x a day to only provide 1/2 his milk!) and sleep when the baby sleeps…yeah, right!! Not only was it good Pumping time with my first but impossible with a toddler AND baby.

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:03 am

      Yesss I now have a toddler and baby and it’s hard work. That must have been so difficult. Go you Mama x

  7. Janet
    September 14, 2018 / 5:25 pm

    Loved this article!! Stop the judgement already people!! Motherhood instincts are made for our own children..we know what’s best.period.mic drop.

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:04 am

      Yesssss! Love this comment! ❤️

  8. Sarah
    September 14, 2018 / 5:48 pm

    These are all so very true, unfortunately! I had fully planned to have a natural birth, but my little man wasn’t having it! I also wasn’t able to breastfeed, even though I really wanted to. No one knows your story, yet they judge anyway. It’s awful! Great post!

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:05 am

      Yupp your story sounds identical to mine. But we just have to do what’s best for our children. Thanks for reading hun.

  9. Samantha
    September 14, 2018 / 5:56 pm

    The list is definitely endless! I hate judgmental people. I get it all the time from every end, about everything. What’s funny is the things I’m being judged on, someone else is being judged for doing the complete opposite of me. No winning for anyone.

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:06 am

      You’re comment is spot on. No matter what we do we will be judged. So let’s just love the life we want.

  10. Jessica
    September 15, 2018 / 5:33 am

    What a better place this world would be if we all were more supportive and understanding of one another. We are all trying to make the best choices for our children and families.

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:07 am

      Exactly my point. It’s hard enough as it is. Thanks for reading.

  11. love4jeeves
    September 15, 2018 / 10:18 am

    Absolutely love this.
    I bumped into a mom on the bus yesterday. Her son was fussing, his shoe and crayon were on the floor and she was visibly tired and frustrated.
    I gave her a smile and offered to help her off the bus, despite being 8 months pregnant myself.
    We’ll all have our bad days but simple gestures showing other moms you understand can go a long way.

    Keep up the good work P x

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:08 am

      Awwww I have definitely been that mother. When you want the floor to completely swallow you up. And that smile that you gave her probably made the complete difference to her day. We need more people like you. 8 months pregnant. How exciting, not long now.

  12. Gurpreeti K
    September 15, 2018 / 2:33 pm

    Haha i loved this post, so real and at the end of day don’t judge as every experience is different!!

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:09 am

      Exactly that. Thank you for reading.

  13. Mrsg
    September 16, 2018 / 2:08 am

    ha ha! I just had to laugh at the I’ll cook when the baby cooks, and clean when the baby cleans!!! too funny!!!

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:10 am

      😂😂😂 glad you enjoyed.

  14. September 18, 2018 / 7:35 pm

    Omg!!! Yes! BUT I can’t believe the csection one?!? Get out of here!!

    This post is real as shit though. The mom shaming is insane!

    • Withlovefromp@hotmail.com
      Author
      September 21, 2018 / 5:11 am

      If I had a pound for every time I heard the c section one I’d be rich. 😂 glad you enjoyed hun.

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