First of all I just want to apologise for the things I said before I became a parent. I was such a judgemental cow. The one that would look over in disgust at the parents child who’s screaming the place down in the supermarket, while I walked by with my 6 inch heels and perfectly painted nails. 😂 Now I’m that mother in the super market (ain’t karma a bitch) who’s child is screaming the entire place down while projectile vomiting in my face. (Check out, my grocery Shop Baby Strop post for the full story).
Secondly, I want to address the beauty that is motherhood! When I was pregnant I began to notice the varying types of mothers and their parenting styles. Something that I was completely oblivious to prior to conceiving.
The beauty that is motherhood
The “immaculate” the mothers who are Instagram perfect and feed their children fresh organic food. I discovered the mothers who put on brave faces but behind closed doors, struggled with the concept of motherhood and getting to grips with their new life. The “overprotective mothers” who wrap their child up in cotton wool, and follow them around the ball park for fear of having an accident. The “he’ll learn type mothers” (this is me 😂) who allow their child to learn by their own mistakes. The “knackered mother” who doesn’t know what day it is (also me) because the sleep deprivation is real. The “wine” mothers. I love the wine mothers, they always have a Rośe or Moscato at the ready. And finally the super cute work out mums.
But the truth is.. I LOVE each and every one of those mums! Want to know why? Because they did exactly what worked for them and their children. And that’s the whole point.. There is no handbook to parenting, there’s no instruction manual (although I wish they could introduce one *please*😂).
And despite our differing parenting styles.. Do you know one thing every single one of us mothers have in common? We have feelings and can be sensitive to the judgemental views of others when it comes to our Crown Jewels (our children).
The Mum shaming
Way too often I have witnessed mothers being shamed for their choice of parenting! Come on ladies it’s 2018, why are women still being blasted for how they to choose to parent THEIR children. It’s only the other day I was strolling through Instagram and I came across a woman being mum shamed because she chose to feed her child Jarred food rather than fresh food. Honestly it makes me so frustrated. The minute we walk out our front door, we are subject to judgement. With my first child I was so nervous to “parent in public” how crazy is that.
So with that being said I want address some of the comments and stereotypes that both myself and other mothers have encountered that really rub us up the wrong way!
THE SH*T US MUMS DON’T WANT TO HEAR
“You let your child watch YouTube”
HELL YESS! I let him on his iPad! Because guess what? While he’s on his iPad watching ‘Ryans Family Toy Review’ I’m regaining my sanity, loading the washing machine for the 5th time and preparing dinner so the kid Dosent starve to death 😂 I was that woman who had it all planned out! No iPad till my son is 15! Yeh right the thing is my saviour haha!
*Disclaimer: iPad time is limited within our household and the content he views Is vetted for safeguarding purposes*
“You’re going back to work and leaving child in nursery”
I’ll tell you what then, I’ll stop paying my mortgage, get repossessed and become homeless I definitely think that’s a better idea! No Sheila you’re right, I won’t go back to work! I have a better idea, I’ll ditch my other half and find myself a millionaire sugar daddy! *Sheila slowly walks away silently* that usually shuts the Sheila’s of the world up 😂
“Sleep when the baby sleeps”
Oh you’re right, I’ll tell you what I’ll cook when the baby cooks and clean when they baby cleans! It all makes perfect sense now. Thank you for your advice.
“You’re a mum now you can’t wear that”
‘Oh really’ I reply as I slip on my 6 inch heels and red lipstick “not mummy enough for you”. Like seriously how do you even dress like a mum, what do “mums wear” knitted tights? Floor length dresses? Not me darling pass me the little black dress and louboutins. Haha
Regardless of our “motherhood status” do we not have the right to maintain our own identify? I’ve definitely been judged about my choice of clothing since becoming a mother and if I wasn’t self-assured my self esteem and confidence would have taken a major blow, what we wear as mothers had absolutely NOTHING to do with our ability to parent.
“You’re leaving your child, I could never leave my child”
Yes and guess what else? I’ve left him in a crack house with 3 mass murderers! But it’s ok because he has nappies and milk. Jokes aside, there is no harm in having, one or two nights a month away from your child to have a break and refill your cup! So with that being said I drop my kids to their grandmothers, I never look back and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction! LOL!
Us mummy’s need a break too!
“Oh you formula feed”.
Yes I bottle feed, If only you knew the tears, stress and mum guilt I encountered deciding to bottle feed my baby. When I had my first child it was set in stone that I would breastfeed i didn’t even entertain the idea of formula! However I was a C-section mother, which made it extremely difficult to manoeuvre with my first baby. Not only that it was painfully sore as my baby couldn’t latch and to top it off, once I left the hospital finding support was next to impossible!
With my second I managed 2 months of breastfeeding, however my son was admitted to hospital on 3 occasions due to weight loss as I wasn’t producing enough milk. I had NO Idea that would be presented through my breastfeeding journey. One day I caught my mum feeding my son a bottle of formula and honestly I have never felt so relieved!
That being said I honestly admire the breastfeeding mothers as its so beautiful to witness the bond between the mother and baby and I’m an advocate for mothers breastfeeding in public! However equally, I’m a formula mummy and my point of view is that aslong as your baby is happy loved and has a full stomach I don’t care how you feed your child. Both types of mothers are amazing and want the best for their child!
“Oh you had a c-section? To posh too push”
I went into hospital with every intention of a natural birth, water birth with no medication (so funny) because when i actually got to hospital they actually realised that my pelvis was too narrow for my son to progress through the birth canal which meant my son struggled to breath every time I contracted!
They actually advised that if I didn’t have a section my son would die! So no, I definitely wasn’t too posh to posh! It was a case of life and death in my circumstances. There’s so much stigma when it comes to c-sections being the easy way out. Let me tell you it’s difficult! The recovery can be harsh, you can’t drive straight away, you can’t work out for months and in my case my incision actually opened up.
End note: This list is not exhaustive. The sh*t that pisses us off is endless, and for as long as we are parents we will be subject to judgement and stereotypes. Although this is unfortunate, it’s promising that none of us are alone in this struggle! You could be the “picture perfect mother” (however that looks) and you’d still be subject to criticism so it’s so important that WE do what works for US and makes US happy!
With Love From P