Disclaimer: * I apologise in advance. My posts do not normally contain swear words however this particular topic I’m very passionate about!
Like many little girls, when I was younger I had big dreams for my future. Even at such a tender age perfection was imbedded into my existence. I had practically written my autobiography. You know the usual stuff, two kids (boy and girl) a husband (tall, dark and handsome, like Ken from barbie and ken). And a huge detached house with a water feature in the front garden.
As I grew up… Shit got real
However!! What no one warned me, was that “Shit Gets Real”. The heartache, the frog kissing, the fuck boys, AND the mobile phone contract bills I should have paid to ensure I had a good credit rating. Basically I got fucked over 😂 .
Why is it that on all the films I watched as a little girl it was so easy to be a princess with a Prince Charming who would open doors for you and pull your chair out. Why in 2018 are Instagram and Facebook forums to declare our love and seek validation. The truth is modern day dating is just one big fuck up! People want and expect the commitment of relationship but with a no strings agreement! (Welcome to new age dating).
The truth about relationships
Now I’m lucky enough to have met my soul mate from quite young age. However, with that being said what a shit show it was to get to this point. No-one told me that I would have a crazy ex girlfriend, who stalked me on Instagram from a hair weave account. No-one told me that she would want to kill me over her relationship that ended 5 years ago. AND no one told me that I would end up in a different city with her, at the same university on the same course as the DAMN ex. (Only me).
Not only that, isn’t it crazy that as a little girl/teenager we perceived marriage and having a family as the end goal? When in actual fact it’s just the beginning, where your journey starts. I honestly thought it would be a walk in the park. But in reality it’s not till that point that I actually began to unravel the layers and depth of myself. While having to do the same with my children and partner. It most definitely comes with its own reward and challenges.
Where were the single parent families?
Something I noticed was that there no coverage of single parents when I was a child. From around the age of 4, I was part of a single parent family, so I’m well aware that relationships don’t always work and separation can be inevitable. However, society tells us that the norm is to have a family, yet no one warns us that “shit happens” and often family’s separate. For that reason I feel there’s so much stigma attached to single parent households and it actually makes me want to puke in my mouth.
DISCLAIMER: *A complete family doesn’t always equate to happiness and a separated family doesn’t always signify dysfunction*
Why didn’t they tell us?
- Why didn’t they tell us that going to university doesn’t always equal success.
- Why didn’t they tell us that getting married and having kids doesn’t always equate to happiness.
- Why didn’t they tell us that budgeting, saving and that having a good credit rate can determine our future.
- Why didn’t they tell us that getting a credit card in university is a no no.
- Why didn’t they tell us that growing up was a trap. We have to pay bills, cook dinner and actually be organised.
- Why didn’t they tell us that in this life nothing Is free (In the UK we even have to pay 5p for plastic bags. “Do you want a bag”. “No thanks I’ll just carry my full trolley of shopping in my hand”.
- Why didn’t they tell us that as you grow older no-one gives you money for your birthday ( I need it more than ever now).
- Why didn’t they tell us that by the age of 30 we will only have around 2-3 friends.
- Why didn’t they tell us that love hurts.
- Why didn’t they tell us that we should live with our parents till We hit 40.
What did I even learn at school.
Why is it that at school I didn’t have a single lesson on money management, promoting good mental health, and healthy relationships. We merely had a sex education lesson which helped us put a condom on a banana. Great we can protect ourselves from pregnancy and STD’s but not from Barry over there who is a narcissist with 7 girlfriends (2 of them pregnant). I’m so sorry, I digress!
The childhood bubble
The point I’m trying to make is that growing up I was in a bubble of childhood fantasy and I wanted so much to grow up! I was that little girl who tried on my mums bras and heels! However, I was neither mentally or emotionally prepared for the storm “adulting” had waiting for me! Honestly most days of adulthood is like a car crash waiting to happen, it’s like a baby calf learning to walk, it’s like a newborn with colic, it’s like when you go to make cereal and realise there’s no milk, it’s like that heart broken feeling you get when you find out your guy cheated. Adulthood presents a whirlwind of emotions.
Now I’m a parent myself with two children, I realised that my mother was trying to protect me from this ugly world and preserve my innocence. However, money management, confidence & self esteem are imbedded into my engagement with my son, even at the tender age of 3 years old!
I may not be talking to him about spotting the signs of Barry the narcissist.. But I will be talking to him about “Cindy”. Cindy has her shit together, she is ambitious, caring and selfless, that’s the kind of woman you need but not only that.. You will contribute equal amounts to the table, you’re a man of your word, you can provide for yourself, you know what it means to have a family and how to empower and support both them and yourself.
To my younger self
To the little girl growing up, to the teenage girl going through puberty. To my 10 year old self preparing to start high school. Self-love may not mean much to you right now but this is what’s going to carry you through life baby-girl. Because you see social media, if you’re not self assured and confident in your skin, it has a way of making you feel inferior, it has a way of making you desire the lives of others. Little girl what glistens isn’t always gold! What you see isn’t always reality. You must first learn the art of loving yourself before you seek to love another.
You will make mistakes, you will cry tears, life will throw you curveballs. But this will be the making of you. Ride the storm and stand strong. Society tells us that by 30 we should be married with kids. I’m here to tell you it’s not that simple! The most important attribute you can carry through your life is happiness. And it’s down to you to define what that picture will look like.