empowering women

Childhood Fantasy VS Adulthood Reality

Disclaimer: * I apologise in advance. My posts do not normally contain swear words however this particular topic I’m very passionate about! Adulthood is damn hard!

Like many little girls, when I was younger I had big dreams for my future. Even at such a tender age perfection was imbedded into my existence. I had practically written my autobiography. You know the usual stuff, two kids (boy and girl) a husband (tall, dark and handsome, like Ken from barbie and ken). And a huge detached house with a water feature in the front garden.

As I grew up… Shit got real

However!! What no one warned me, was that “Shit Gets Real”. The heartache, the frog kissing, the fuck boys, AND the mobile phone contract bills I should have paid to ensure I had a good credit rating. Basically I got fucked over 😂 .

Why is it that on all the films I watched as a little girl it was so easy to be a princess with a Prince Charming who would open doors for you and pull your chair out. Why in 2018 are Instagram and Facebook forums to declare our love and seek validation. The truth is modern day dating is just one big fuck up! People want and expect the commitment of relationship but with a no strings agreement! (Welcome to new age dating).

The truth about relationships 

Now I’m lucky enough to have met my soul mate from quite young age. However, with that being said what a shit show it was to get to this point. No-one told me that I would have a crazy ex girlfriend, who stalked me on Instagram from a hair weave account. No-one told me that she would want to kill me over her relationship that ended 5 years ago. AND no one told me that I would end up in a different city with her, at the same university on the same course as the DAMN ex. Only me. Click here for the full story.

Not only that, isn’t it crazy that as a little girl/teenager we perceived marriage and having a family as the end goal? When in actual fact it’s just the beginning, where your journey starts. I honestly thought it would be a walk in the park. But in reality it’s not till that point that I actually began to unravel the layers and depth of myself. While having to do the same with my children and partner. It most definitely comes with its own reward and challenges.

Where were the single parent families?

Something I noticed was that there no coverage of single parents when I was a child. From around the age of 4, I was part of a single parent family, so I’m well aware that relationships don’t always work and separation can be inevitable. However, society tells us that the norm is to have a family, yet no one warns us that “shit happens” and often family’s separate. For that reason I feel there’s so much stigma attached to single parent households and it actually makes me want to puke in my mouth.

DISCLAIMER: *A complete family doesn’t always equate to happiness and a separated family doesn’t always signify dysfunction*

Why didn’t they tell us?

  • Why didn’t they tell us that going to university doesn’t always equal success.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that getting married and having kids doesn’t always equate to happiness.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that budgeting, saving and that having a good credit rate can determine our future.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that getting a credit card in university is a no no.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that growing up was a trap. We have to pay bills, cook dinner and actually be organised.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that in this life nothing Is free (In the UK we even have to pay 5p for plastic bags. “Do you want a bag”. “No thanks I’ll just carry my full trolley of shopping in my hand”.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that as you grow older no-one gives you money for your birthday ( I need it more than ever now).
  • Why didn’t they tell us that by the age of 30 we will only have around 2-3 friends.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that love hurts.
  • Why didn’t they tell us that we should live with our parents till We hit 40.

What did I even learn at school.

Why is it that at school I didn’t have a single lesson on money management, promoting good mental health, and healthy relationships. We merely had a sex education lesson which helped us put a condom on a banana. Great we can protect ourselves from pregnancy and STD’s but not from Barry over there who is a narcissist with 7 girlfriends (2 of them pregnant). I’m so sorry, I digress!

 

The childhood bubble 

The point I’m trying to make is that growing up I was in a bubble of childhood fantasy and I wanted so much to grow up! I was that little girl who tried on my mums bras and heels! However, I was neither mentally or emotionally prepared for the storm “adulting” had waiting for me! Honestly most days of adulthood is like a car crash waiting to happen, it’s like a baby calf learning to walk, it’s like a newborn with colic, it’s like when you go to make cereal and realise there’s no milk, it’s like that heart broken feeling you get when you find out your guy cheated. Adulthood presents a whirlwind of emotions.

Now I’m a parent myself with two children, I realised that my mother was trying to protect me from this ugly world and preserve my innocence. However, money management, confidence & self esteem are imbedded into my engagement with my son, even at the tender age of 3 years old!

I may not be talking to him about spotting the signs of Barry the narcissist.. But I will be talking to him about “Cindy”. Cindy has her shit together, she is ambitious, caring and selfless, that’s the kind of woman you need but not only that.. You will contribute equal amounts to the table, you’re a man of your word, you can provide for yourself, you know what it means to have a family and how to empower and support both them and yourself.

To my younger self

To the little girl growing up, to the teenage girl going through puberty. To my 10 year old self preparing to start high school. Self-love may not mean much to you right now but this is what’s going to carry you through life baby-girl. Because you see social media, if you’re not self assured and confident in your skin, it has a way of making you feel inferior, it has a way of making you desire the lives of others. Little girl what glistens isn’t always gold! What you see isn’t always reality. You must first learn the art of loving yourself before you seek to love another.

You will make mistakes, you will cry tears, life will throw you curveballs. But this will be the making of you. Ride the storm and stand strong. Society tells us that by 30 we should be married with kids. I’m here to tell you it’s not that simple! The most important attribute you can carry through your life is happiness. And it’s down to you to define what that picture will look like.

 

22 thoughts on “Childhood Fantasy VS Adulthood Reality”

  1. Oh my goodness! YES!! So so so true. I don’t think I could tell you a single thing I learned from a textbook in university. What I was learning was how to manage getting up and to class, the social pressures, money management, juggling a job and grades when everyone was partying, all the things that I really could have used a hand with beyond the multiple choice answer exam at the end of term.

    Although I grew so much from all the experiences I had and those you shared above, I think we are often led to figure it out ourselves while engaging in the unnecessary. Think of what an average high schooler learns while roaming the HALLS of the classroom vs. the classroom itself. What an employee learns in the LUNCHROOM rather than the board room. It often feels heavy and lonely to be working our way through the world, while keeping up the smiling face on social media.

    Thanks so much for this thought-provoking post!

    1. Love this comment. You’re so so right in terms of what we learn outside the classroom vs in the classroom. Honestly nothing beats life experience. Thank you so much for taking the time out to share your experience. It’s so appreciated.

  2. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽 Amen on so many levels. Mental health, Money management etc should be a part of all curriculums. So much damage could have been prevented thoroughout the generations if we all had been taught life skills as a part if education and those skills filtered into the homes.

    Also i know people who lived in homes with both parents and all looked like the Walton with the Pickett fence illusions of perfection; in reality though there was so much negativity and volatility.
    Great post as always xx

  3. First of all, yasssss to “Cindy” and step off “Barry”!!! Second, what a great read (as always). I am so afraid of my kids growing up in this day and age that it’s nice to write your old self a letter to remind you of what you wanted to tell yourself and then apply it to your kids! Thanks for writing this P! Truly, you’re one of a kind! And you’re slaying this blogging thing! ❤️

    1. Your comments always make me smile girl 😂 there are just so many Barry’s out there and our children need to be aware. I to am afraid of my kids growing up but your children have an amazing mother to teach them. Thank for reading lovely ❤️

  4. Learning life skills is so important. I thankfully had this opportunity with my parents but was sheltered from so many otter things that rocked my world when I went to college.

  5. I totally agree with you. Adulting is hard! My dad used to try and teach me about life and money and as a child I would say “if that was important, they would teach that in school.” We talk about it all the time and wonder why school doesn’t prepare young minds for the real world!

  6. I could have almost wrote this post lol. Especially with the crazy ex! I believe we have to be the ones to tell our kids like it is because no one else will.

  7. Your “why didn’t they tell us” section 👌🏼👌🏼 say. It. Again. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
    Love how you picked my brain vwith this one. Such a great post.

  8. This is exactly how I felt when I got to college and realized how bumpy the road to happiness was. Life is so much more work than I ever expected, but I’m happy that I got to learn all of those little lessons and feel like a stronger person now. Hopefully, I can prepare my daughters with the skills to make the right choices as they enter adulthood.

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